ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
