So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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