You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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