I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
