Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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