how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
