I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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