True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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