So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
