i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
