are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
