i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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