No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
