Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
