mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
