I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
