Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so let's talk penis.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize