I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
