.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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