Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
