You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
