my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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