Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
