when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize