Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
