i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
