I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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