I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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