If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
