you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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