My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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