this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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