At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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