i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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