I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize