Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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