Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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