Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize