Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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