When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
