hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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