tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
