the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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