how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
