the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
