On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
