There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
