she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
