Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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