I can tuck mytits in my pants
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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