I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
