ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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