Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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