i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize