Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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