The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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