just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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