its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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