Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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