I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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