Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
