His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
