Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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