I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
