Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Less talking, more tequila
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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