I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
