new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
