I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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