This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
