Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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