fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
