the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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